Dolphins(海豚) are very intelligent(聪明). After only a few hours in captivity(捕获)，they can train a man to throw them fish three times a day.

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"You remember when you cured my rheumatism(风湿病) a year ago, don't you, Doctor?" asked the patient, "and told me not to get myself wet?"

"Yes, " replied the doctor.

"Well, I just wanted to ask you if you think it's safe for me to take a bath now?"

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Sue loved Steve, but she worried about all the money he squandered(挥霍) when they went out together. "How can I stop Steve from spending so much money on me?" she asked her mother.

"Marry him!"

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First Tramp(流浪汉): "What would you do if you won the first prize in the big Sweepstakes(跑马比赛)?

" Second Tramp: "I'd have the park benches upholstered(铺上垫子)."

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During one of my government classes at the University of Houston, the professor asked, "How many of you are Republicans(共和党人)?" About half the class raised their hands. Then he asked one woman why she had chosen that affiliation(党派).

"My parents are Republicants," she answered.

"And if your parents had been morons(白痴)," he asked sarcastically(讽刺地), "what would that have made you?"

"Well," she replied, smiling sweetly, "I guess I'd have been a Democrat(民主党人)."

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One of the funny things about the stock market(证券市场) is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute(精明的).

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I was sharing(分享) a park bench with a middle-aged couple. The wife was engrossed(专心阅读) in one of several books she had with her， while the husband ogled(贪婪地盯视) passing pretty women."Dear，" the wife suggested，offering one of her volumes(书)，"Why don't you read a book and rest your eyes?"

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Just before giving a lavish(奢侈的) party at his estate(庄园), a tycoon(石油巨头) had his swimming pool filled with poisonous snakes(毒蛇). He called the guests together and announced(宣布),"To anyone brave enough to swim across this pool,I will give the choice of a thousand acres(英亩) of my oil fields,10,000 head of cattle or my daughter's hand in marriage."No sooner were his words spoken than a young man plunged in(跳入), swam across the pool and climbed out unscathed(未被咬伤) but breathless(气喘吁吁). "Congratulations(祝贺)!"the tycoon greeted him."Do you want my oil fields?" "No!" gasped(喘气) the guest.

"The 10,000 head of cattle?"

"No!" the young man shouted.

"Well, how about my daughter's"？

"No!"

"You must want something," said the puzzled(迷惑不解的) host.

"I just want to know the name of the guy who pushed me in!"

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The woman in the deli(熟食店) ordered(定货), "Some salami(蒜味大腊肠), please.""Okay," said the butcher(卖肉者), slicing(切开) away. "You tell me when."As the slices(切片) began to pile up(堆起来), the butcher asked "Now?"

"No, a few more please."

When over half the salami had been cut, the woman exclaimed(大叫说), "Stop! I' ll take those last two slices."

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"Hear(听说) you've been having car trouble," said one neighbor to another."Yes," replied the car owner. "I bought a new carburetor(汽化器) that saved thirty percent on gas, a new transmission(变速器) that saved fifty percent on gas, and a new set of spark plugs(火花塞) that saved forty percent on gas.""So what happened?" asked the neighbor."After I drove about forty miles, the gas tank(箱) overflowed(溢出来)."

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(1) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

Dolphins are very intelligent. After only a few hours in captivity，they can train a man to throw them fish three times a day.

(2) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

"You remember when you cured my rheumatism a year ago, don't you, Doctor?" asked the patient, "and told me not to get myself wet?"

"Yes, " replied the doctor.

"Well, I just wanted to ask you if you think it's safe for me to take a bath now?"

(3) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

Sue loved Steve, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together. "How can I stop Steve from spending so much money on me?" she asked her mother.

"Marry him!"

(4) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

First Tramp: "What would you do if you won the first prize in the big Sweepstakes?

Second Tramp: "I'd have the park benches upholstered."

(5) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

During one of my government classes at the University of Houston, the professor asked, "How many of you are Republicans?" About half the class raised their hands. Then he asked one woman why she had chosen that affiliation.

"My parents are Republicants," she answered.

"And if your parents had been morons," he asked sarcastically, "what would that have made you?"

"Well," she replied, smiling sweetly, "I guess I'd have been a Democrat."

(6) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

(7) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

I was sharing a park bench with a middle-aged couple. The wife was engrossed in one of several books she had with her， while the husband ogled passing pretty women."Dear，" the wife suggested， offering one of her volumes，"Why don't you read a book and rest your eyes?"

(8) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

Just before giving a lavish party at his estate, a tycoon had his swimming pool filled with poisonous snakes. He called the guests together and announced,"To anyone brave enough to swim across this pool,I will give the choice of a thousand acres of my oil fields,10,000 head of cattle or my daughter's hand in marriage."No sooner were his words spoken than a young man plunged in, swam across the pool and climbed out unscathed but breathless. "Congratulations!"the tycoon greeted him."Do you want my oil fields?"

"No!" gasped the guest.

"The 10,000 head of cattle?"

"No!" the young man shouted.

"Well, how about my daughter's"？

"No!"

"You must want something," said the puzzled host.

"I just want to know the name of the guy who pushed me in!"

(9) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

The woman in the deli ordered, "Some salami, please.""Okay," said the butcher, slicing away. "You tell me when."As the slices began to pile up, the butcher asked "Now?"

"No, a few more please."

When over half the salami had been cut, the woman exclaimed, "Stop! I'll take those last two slices."

(10) 原文 [请看译文] [请看注释文] [返回主目录]

"Hear you've been having car trouble," said one neighbor to another."Yes," replied the car owner. "I bought a new carburetor that saved thirty percent on gas, a new transmission that saved fifty percent on gas, and a new set of spark plugs that saved forty percent on gas.""So what happened?" asked the neighbor."After I drove about forty miles, the gas tank overflowed."

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(1) 译文 [请看注释文] [请看原文] [返回主目录]

海豚非常聪明。被捕获几个小时以后，它们就能训练人每天三次喂它们鱼。

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一个病人问，“医生，你是否还记得，一年以前你治疗我的风湿病的时候，你告诉我不要沾水”？医生回答道，“是的”。“好，我只是想问你，我现在洗个澡，你认为是否可以”？

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苏伊很爱斯塔夫，但是她心疼他们在一起时他挥霍的那些钱。她问妈妈，“我怎样才能阻止斯塔夫为我花这么多钱呢”？

“嫁给他” ！

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第一个流浪汉说：“如果在这次大型跑马比赛中你赢得头奖，你将做什么”？

第二个流浪汉说；“我将给我在公园里栖身的长椅上铺垫子”。

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在休斯敦大学的一节政治课上，教授问，“你们当中有多少共和党人”？ 大约有半个班的人举手。然后，他问一个女生为什么选择这个党。她回答，“我的父母是共和党人”。 教授讽刺地问，“如果你的父母是白痴，你将作何选择”？ 她甜甜的笑着回答，“我想我会成为民主党人”。

(6) 译文 [请看注释文] [请看原文] [返回主目录]

有关证券市场的有趣的事之一是：每一次买卖，双方都认为自己是精明的。

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我与一对中年夫妇同坐在一个公园长椅上。妻子专心阅读一本书，而丈夫贪婪地盯视着过往的漂亮女人。那位妻子递给她的丈夫一本书提议到，“亲爱的，为什么不看一本书休息一会儿你的眼睛呢“？

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石油巨头在他的庄园开始一个奢华的聚会之前，在游泳池里放满了毒蛇。他把客人招集到一起宣布，“对任何敢横渡这个泳池的人，我将给他一千英亩油田、或者一万头牛，或者将我的女儿嫁给他”。话音刚落，一个年青人跳入泳池、游到对岸，毫发未损，气喘吁吁。石油大亨高声呼唤他，“祝贺你，你要我的油田吗”？

这个客人边喘边说，“不” ！

“一万头牛”？

年青人喊到，“不” ！

“噢，我的女儿”？

“不” ！

迷惑不解的主人说，“你肯定想要什么东西”。

“我要知道是哪个家伙把我推下去的” ！

(9) 译文 [请看注释文] [请看原文] [返回主目录]

一个女人在熟食店买东西，“请切一些蒜味大腊肠”。买肉者说，“好”就开始切，“你说停我就停”。切了一堆腊肠片之后，屠夫问，“现在停吗”？

“不，请再切一点”。

当一根蒜味大腊肠被切了一半多的时候，这个女人大声叫到，“停！我要买最后切的这两片”。

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一个邻居对主人说，“听说你的车有毛病了”。车主回答说，“是的，我买了一个新的汽化器，它能够节约百分之三十的油，买了一个新的变速器，它能够节约百分之五十的油，买了一套新的火花塞，它能够节约百分之四十的油”。邻居问，“怎么了”？“我驾车行驶四十英里以后，油箱里的油溢出来了”。